late to school. at this point, i don’t even care. #badday

Text @ Ryse

@Ryse: You deserve to have someone treat you like a queen
@Ryse: And not a little girl. Far as I'm concerned, Mike is looking for a girl not a woman.
@Stu: Unfortunately I believe you're right about that. He's looking for someone as naive as a little school girl and that's just not me.
@Stu: I'm smarter than that. I can see right through him.

dear d i a r y ; entry one

            when you’re gone will i lose control?

DIARY ENTRY #001 I HAVE MY DOUBTS
      I feel like I’m trapped inside my head with my thoughts plotting
      against me. It’s complicated    to explain because some things
      are so simple to understand, yet extremely complex for me to
      explain. Michael… he cheated on me. I want to forgive him. A
      huge part of me says he’s telling the truth when he says he’ll
      never do it again. A larger part of me, however, doesn’t quite
      believe a damn thing he says. That part thinks he’s only in this
      for the sex. Which makes     sense, but it’s pretty fucking low.

      Mike helped me through one   of the toughest times in my life.
      He helped me through the    depression and anxiety that I felt,
      the suicidal thoughts, the    cutting, everything that happened
      after my father passed away and my mother forced the four
      of us to move to New York City.    Though even through all of
      that, I still didn’t see the cheating coming. Once I finally saw it
      I didn’t see him as the guy who saved my life. I saw him as a
      piece of scum. The scum of the earth in fact.

      Now that we’re “back  together”  I   just   don’t know if I could
      ever truly forgive him. I’ve    told    him    that I forgive him, but
      could I tell myself ever that    I honestly forgave him for taking
      my innocence and then    shitting all over it by cheating on me
      with some cheap floozy? I don’t think I could really forgive him
      and if I can’t do that, why am I even with him? There’s a devil
      on one of my shoulders and an angel on the other. For once?
      They’re agreeing that I  should  cut  my  losses.  But  should I
      listen to them? Here’s the   question that I have to ask myself:

      “Is he worth losing all my self respect?”

Text @ Ryse

@Ryse: So you're morals are going to force you to give him a second chance even though it makes you miserable?
@Ryse: As moral as it is, start looking out for yourself.
@Stu: I wouldn't put it like that...
@Stu: ... Maybe I should. I don't know.

Text @ Ryse

@Ryse: By the looks of things, Mike's ruining it all by himself.
@Ryse: Why are you even with him when you don't love him?
@Stu: Because I firmly believe everyone deserves a second chance... no matter how much they've hurt someone.
@Stu: I'm starting to think that his second chance is a fluke, though.

Text @ Ryse

@Ryse: Sounds like he's acting like a love sick puppy.
@Ryse: Maybe you're starting to realise that you need a man over a boy to treat you right.
@Stu: i just think that he's so fucking guilty that he feels the need to do all of this in order to win my trust.
@Stu: he actually tried to get me to say 'i love you' back the other night. i can't do that. especially not when he's done what he has.
@Stu: stu. don't ruin this.

Text @ Ryse

@Ryse: What the hell has he done?
@Stu: nothing. nothing. he's just very persistent on getting on my good side and trying to get me to forgive him.
@Stu: i'm just wondering if i didn't get into this again too fast. you know? i have my doubts.

Text @ Ryse

@Ryse: Oh. Someone's a little short. I just messaged to say well...I told you so.
@ Ryse: I told you so.
→ Stu: don't. just don't. this had nothing to do with anything that you said.
→ Stu: i just... i don't trust him. and he's... he's showing a different side.

Text @ Ryse

@ Ryse: Surprised to hear you weren't with the Troll all weekend. Trouble in paradise?
@Stu: i'm with him right now... why does it matter to you? you know damn well there's "trouble in paradise".
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